i am so tired of feeling sad and frustrated and scared i am afraid to do the things i need to do to live when i need to make a phone call or go to the doctor i am scared for hours before or need to hype myself up before going i am frustrated when people are mean to me for no reason, but then when i act the same way in return i am treated like a villain i am tired of feeling sad and like there is no future for me. i am doing extremely well in my life and it doesn't matter because my brain doesn't work i won't die of old age, because some climate changed induced condition will kill me before then i don't know if i am going to die of exposure or famine or anything else, but i am going to die unless i am lucky since i live in the united states, my odds are really good for that, but i can't imagine going on living with the guilt that most of the world died and i am fine because i happened to live in the oppressor state there is nothing that i can do to to make my odds better or to help people at large improve their conditions. all i can do is help a few people and i might as well not be doing anything. even though helping people out as much as i can is a good thing, it doesn't matter. one person's efforts are never going to make a serious difference it is hard to justify doing anything but enjoying my life and making the people that i love happy when i can't seriously affect change and i'm going to die in 15 years i think that i just depressed but i also think that this is super rational and that it is a reasonable and well thought out fear and feeling of hopelessness that a lot of people have it isn't like i can't justify any of the things that i am sad and anxious about i don't know, i'm drunk